THERE’S BEEN so much written in recent times about Elle turning 50 subsequent yr.

I take an pastime as a result of I’m virtually the similar antique and so, percentage a definite affinity with the magnificently proportioned and ageless fashion referred to as The Frame. If you happen to’re questioning, the aforementioned tag justifiably caught after her 5 quilt appearances at the iconic Sports activities Illustrated mag.

I used to be born in July ‘63 – my good friend Elle in March ’64 – which makes us a trifling 8 months aside. We each completed college in ‘81 so may, theoretically, had been classmates. We can have loved the similar motion pictures – For Your Eyes Most effective, The Postman All the time Rings Two times, Raiders of the Misplaced Ark … take note the ones? We most probably listened to the similar tune, boogied at the disco ground to Blondie’s Name Me, went thru a segment of schoolgirl anarchy with Red Floyd’s Some other Brick within the Wall – and slow-danced to Captain and Tennille’s Do That to Me One Extra Time … aah, the recollections. The similarity, I’m unhappy to mention, ends there.

I latterly discussed to my teenagers that: “Do you know Elle is popping 50 subsequent yr? We’re virtually the similar antique,” after appearing them a specifically fetching newspaper shot of her wearing surfboard and trademark bikini at Bondi. “No tactics! I will be able to’t consider it!” My daughter gushed with a tad extra enthusiasm than fully vital, adopted via a telling take a look at the apparition subsequent to her – me, basking unashamedly in a state of early morning glory – a bra-less surprise in sleep shorts and light T-shirt.

Sure, I concede, Elle is drop-dead beautiful. She additionally appears to be like a decade or two more youthful than her age however I worry that thru her sheer air of perfection, she has made herself untouchable.  Possibly it’s time to let pass a little bit. For instance, simply the previous day I learn but any other article about her drawing close 50^th birthday and but any other uninteresting interviewer asking how she controlled to retain such everlasting youthfulness.

I didn’t must learn what she mentioned – I knew precisely what the exposure gadget would hold forth. “Natural meals, workout and 3 litres of water an afternoon.” And naturally, seven hours of sleep an evening. For my part, the bit that fascinated me maximum was once the 3 litres of water. I’d be up all night time.

I took place to say this tiresome interview to a pal who could also be at the slippery cusp of turning 50. She too was once skeptical.  “Pullllease … natural? That is natural,“ she mentioned, outlining her very easily rounded determine. I’m along with her. Simply as soon as, I want Elle would personal up. Her recognition would now not wane if she casually steered that: “In truth, every now and then I polish off a complete slab of chocolate and I’m greater than a bit of keen on the unusual drop.”  Simply when I want she would let free and say one thing vaguely outrageous like: “Go me the chips, I’m virtually 50 for goodness sake, now not 20. And via the best way, all that stuff about natural meals is cods-wallop – I’ve had a teeny weeny bit of labor executed. And, sure, my knees every so often pain once I jog.”

If truth be told, I’d dare counsel she practices embracing her 50’s with a brand new sense of honesty. There’s nonetheless a complete yr to turn into the folks’s individual. There’s quite a few alternative for a profession exchange and the way much less hectic that will be – for the remainder of her contemporaries too.

One completely believable chance is the function of communicate display host – a alternative for Oprah, possibly. I’d name it ‘Elle Talks … ultimately’. I are expecting hovering recognition when she spills the beans on how laborious it was once to take care of the pretence and force of being The Frame. Oh the relaxation of showing she is human in spite of everything. I are expecting a swarm of getting old actresses lining as much as inform their tale – of publicly   renouncing Botox, frame sculpting and buckwheat.

However I worry this revelation received’t occur any time quickly. Elle is the face of Emblem Elle – of solar, surf and ceaselessly fresh-faced, lithe-bodied attractiveness.  However Oh Elle, what force!  Keeping up that whippet frame, easiest pores and skin, hair and makeup will have to be immense. I’d counsel fifty shall be a well timed age to in any case grasp up the string bikini and inform the sector to seek out themselves any other Frame – that this one is drained. And now and then, slightly sore.

And so, Elle, I beseech you, drop your guard. We will be able to love you much more, I promise. And the entire thousands and thousands of ladies dealing with a scarily drawing close fifty will breathe a sigh of aid and succeed in, guilt-free for the double chocolate cheesecake and entire cream latte.

We, your presumptuous friends wait with bated breath. And we’re right here for you, glass of cheeky Riesling in hand (or possibly you possibly can desire a full-bodied Cab Sav?) if you wish to have us.

© Lois Nicholls 2013

An edited model of this text seemed in The Sunday Mail, third March 2013 – Click on to view.